How to solve couple problems with maturity and understanding?
The couple’s relationship evolves, changes and matures, that is, an affective relationship goes through different stages. These phases include pleasant and positive moments, but no matter how united and harmonious it is, it adds a strong emotional charge that sometimes produces conflicts in the couple .
When two people come together and decide to go down the road of life together, they add their personalities, beliefs, and previous experiences to the equation. There are many roles to decide and it is a changing scheme where the couple must adapt to the new life scenarios that are produced.
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| How to solve couple problems with maturity and understanding? |
Different phases of couple relationships
Different phases of couple relationships can be listed, but we can point out these three main ones:
- The beginning. Falling in love is the basis of the vast majority of relationships. In this phase, attention is focused on the common aspects and, in general, hardly perceiving the aspects that differentiate us. At this stage we avoid conflicts. Falling in love is an emotion and therefore tends to habituation.
- The coexistence. When a couple decides to live together, there are a lot of habits that they didn’t share before and household chores that need to be assigned. Now each person begins to show himself as he is and the meeting begins to be more real, and differences may appear in the way of resolving conflicts.
- Children. With the arrival of a baby, a new qualitative change occurs. The tasks multiply exponentially and the couple has to unify criteria based on the education they intend to give.
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We have pointed out these three stages that many couples go through, but there are many other changes that can occur in a relationship, such as those related to work (change of schedules, remuneration, unemployment, geographical change…), problems of health, adolescence of the children , in mature age when the children become independent, and much more.
How to solve relationship problems
Regardless of the vital moment in which the couple is, there are a series of “universal” recommendations that will help us in any phase that we find ourselves.
Therefore, let’s see a series of tips for when conflicts occur in the couple:
- Argue, don’t fight. One of the first ideas is to demystify the fact of arguing. Arguing is not synonymous with a bad relationship, but it is very important how we argue and prevent them from leading to fights.
- Communication. One of the most powerful tools available to the couple to overcome their differences as long as it is used properly.
- Talk about the problems. If something worries us, it is good to tell our partner, but choosing a good moment in which both of you are in a good emotional predisposition. Non-offensive language. We must be careful, since the words we choose can open deep wounds.
- Active listening. If our partner feels heard and perceives that we are making efforts to understand them, we will have already taken a big step towards solving the problem.
- Focus on a single topic. When you are discussing an issue, you must be concise and objective, and not drift to other conflictive topics and bring up other “dirty laundry” from the past to recriminate and increase tension.
- Focus on conflict resolution. Linked to the previous one, be constructive, avoiding reproaches, and seek the necessary contributions to reach a satisfactory and, above all, joint solution.
- Respect. Avoid falling into disrespect. If the insult is reached, it is an unequivocal sign that the discussion is not going to be productive, quite the opposite.
- Non-verbal communication. Physical contact is important. For example, giving your partner a hug spontaneously can be of great help and put an end to a few days of tension and moodiness. Similarly, with bad faces or gestures, we can increase our emotional distance.
- Avoid dragging external problems into our relationship. It is very common that a conflict at work or with friends, we bring it to our home and we extend it to our relationship. In fact, on many occasions, that trust is misunderstood and causes us to unload our frustration on the couple. We must try to be aware of it and build walls, not bring the bad from outside into our relationship (eg. Just before entering the home, we take a deep breath and leave out those problems that we will pick up and face the next morning in the place accurate).