How to deal with emotional blackmail

How to act in the face of emotional blackmail by loved ones?

If you are suffering from emotional blackmail, you will feel that you are doing things that you do not really want to do. That is, you are being manipulated. The manipulator is usually an insecure person full of fears , although at first glance it may seem otherwise. He has a low tolerance for frustration, which leads him to fly into a rage in case of contradicting or when things are not done the way they want.

They usually use threats mainly, but there can also be excessive victimization and even combine both facets. They seek to create in us a feeling of guilt so that we agree to their demands. They abuse our desire to please and our sense of duty.

How to deal with emotional blackmail

On many occasions, throughout our life cycle we will have different social relationships in which we can be victims of emotional blackmail . We will pay special attention to that which occurs with relatives and loved ones, emphasizing above all, emotional blackmail in relationships .

“Love does not claim possessions, but gives freedom” Rabindranath Tagore

How do people who manipulate?

If our partner tells us “how do you do that, I’ll leave you” and we react with fear and finally giving in to their manipulation, we will also be reinforcing this type of behavior.

To persuade us they can use gifts that laterThey will try to “charge them”. This tends to happen more at the beginning of a romantic relationship and it is important to clarify the situation when the blackmailer tries to support his demands on past gifts. Gifts must be made voluntarily, not demanding reciprocity and much less as a purchase of rights towards us.

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Manipulators are people who are unlikely to give in and if they do, they will be loaded with resentment. “Go if you want, but I don’t forget this.” As we observed, again we would find ourselves with a threat.
On the other hand, they minimize the other’s problems and needs, leaving those demands secondary at best.
They can also use the affective relationship to obtain a material/economic good. For example, it is common to ask for money and use very advantageous reasoning “if you are my friend you will help me (by lending me the money)”. We see that the loan is not even a favor, it is already implicit in the phrase that it is our obligation as a friend to give it to him.
The closer and more emotional our relationship is, the more it will influence us, the most representative case being the couple.
Likewise, the longer it lasts over time, the more damage it will cause us and the more latent and therefore more complicated it will be to modify this situation.

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Therefore, and returning to the title, the question arises, how to act in the face of this described emotional blackmail?

Let’s look at some guidelines:

• Detect it: The first thing is to be aware of the problem. When these behaviors are constant and prolonged over time, we are undoubtedly subjected to emotional blackmail.
• Assertiveness: Knowing how to say no.
• Mark limits. We must try to address the situation before blackmail is established in the relationship. We will proceed to transfer how we feel about your demands and put them in front of you in a rational way.
• In discussions do not get carried away by emotions. Try to find solutions and not blame.
• If he constantly questions our feelings with phrases like “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do it”, clarify your feelings towards him/her, but express your wants and needs.
• Save time: At least if you are feeling forced, pressured and they also want it now, delay your response. You have the right to reflect on it, although that alone is also easy for them to take as an insult.

In conclusion, we must be aware that we all play at some point the role of victims and executioners in manipulations , but in a light and punctual way. When it becomes a habit and is the constant way that governs a relationship, it is when we talk about emotional blackmail.
The person who blackmails us is also somehow prioritizing our relationship by placing himself above, which invalidates a healthy relationship.

“Never above you, never below you, always by your side” Walter Winchell