How to get over a love breakup
A couple breakup hurts and is one of the most difficult situations to overcome. The time of overcoming will depend on different factors, such as: if the decision is unilateral or both parties decide to leave the relationship, the time that the relationship lasted or if there are children in common, etc.
In our psychological consultation we have seen that people, after an emotional breakup, go through phases of mourning .
In this article we will analyze how to overcome these phases in the best possible way, with the best psychological resources and the appropriate strategies, which help us feel more capable to start a new personal stage with greater emotional strength.
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| How to get over a love breakup |
How to get over a love breakup
When we still feel in love with the other person, it becomes more difficult for us to break up. The breakup process is usually a little less traumatic for the person who decides to end the relationship, but that doesn’t mean they don’t grieve for the other person and the failure of the relationship. However, over time and knowing how to manage emotions, both people get over the breakup.
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phases of a breakup
If you have ended a relationship, it is likely that you are going through a “grief” for the loss of your ex-partner.
A breakup involves an emotional loss and an adaptation to a new emotional environment, so it is technically a grieving situation and therefore goes through the 5 phases that define the grieving process . Understanding what these phases of grief are will help you understand what you are going through.
The phases are:
- Denial. First of all, we do not accept what is happening and we do not have a realistic attitude.
- Negotiation is characterized by focusing on what could have been done differently to avoid the breakup. This is the stage in which you will think about all the things that you can no longer do because that loved one is no longer with you. Phrases like: “If she hadn’t made me angry, none of this would have happened…” “If I had paid more attention to it…”, “If I hadn’t left her alone…”
- Anger, rage, wrath. Frustration and reproaches come to the other party, but also to ourselves.
- Sadness. Being fully aware that the relationship is over gives us this deep feeling of sadness.
- Acceptance. We assimilate the breakup as part of our past and past experiences, being able to live a full life and being prepared to face new relationships in an adaptive and mature way.
How long does it take to get over a relationship breakup?
The phases of grief and its duration vary from person to person. They tend to vary depending on the circumstances of the breakup.
We have mentioned the different stages that we will go through, each one will take time, and it is also likely that the path will not be linear and that certain setbacks will occur.
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The important thing is not to get stuck in one of the stages without noticing progress over the months. An accepted interval is from 6 months to 2 years. Finally, the process ends by itself.
In the event that the duel continues over time or the process is not healthy, it is always advisable to seek therapeutic support.
Tips for getting over a breakup
- Stay active. It is important to be in movement, much better if we exercise and we can take advantage of having more time for ourselves to face that hobby that we always wanted to do.
Inactivity, on the other hand, will feed our negative thoughts. - Hang out with your friends/family. It is very good to surround yourself with those who care about you, but try (once the first meetings have passed) not to monopolize the conversation too much talking about him/her or flooding the conversation with sadness.
It is an excellent opportunity to disconnect, be distracted, be interested in them and surely even laugh with them. - Remember the couple realistically. We must not fall into idolizing the other party and think that it was all perfection, nor fall into the other extreme of hating him and deciding that everything was negative.
In a relationship, both parties have made mistakes and all people obviously have flaws.
The best thing after time is to stay with the good times you shared and the moments that made you happy, as part of the baggage of your lives, which now follow different paths. - Work on yourself, value yourself. Do an introspection exercise, analyze your strengths, where you want to direct your future and set yourself some realistic goals.
- Take care of your image. In moments when we are surrounded by sadness, it is easy to fall into self-abandonment. You have to make an effort to take care of your image, including having a recent haircut, taking care of your shave so as not to be disheveled and spending a little more on clothes that make us feel comfortable and why not elegant, when we look in the mirror.
- Take care of our food. We are more vulnerable and it is very easy to neglect ourselves at this point. We will be alert not to fall into the abuse of alcohol or drugs with the stupid excuse of escaping from reality. This will only make our circumstances much more complicated.
How to get over a love breakup due to infidelity
It is extremely painful to discover that the person you loved and trusted has been unfaithful. In principle, it is a more traumatic breakup and one that damages our self-esteem to a greater extent . On many occasions, people try to understand the story behind what has happened, before going through the grieving phases.
Of course, avoid self-incrimination . Not always, but many people often blame themselves for everything and make the mistake of thinking that they were the one who failed and possibly remain emotionally connected to their ex.
You have to move on with life and many times you will have to work more intensely on your security and self-esteem to find a way to overcome this painful breakup.
Overcome depression and anxiety in the face of a sentimental breakup
Leaving behind a part of your life, which you started with love and hope, and overcoming the breakup is hard. You may have strong and painful emotions, anxiety problems and depressive feelings , and find it hard to get on with life.
When they break up with us, we feel a strong rejection that can damage and question our concept of ourselves, our values and even how the world is built.
It is important to keep functioning and prevent these feelings from overwhelming us. Make sure you take the time you need to absorb the situation and take care of yourself. Also talk to the people around you.
If too much time has passed and you feel obsessed with your ex -partner , with everything that happened, without being able to stop asking yourself why, or ultimately get it out of your head, the more likely we are to generate a mental disorder related to depression and/or anxiety.
If you don’t get out of the situation alone and you have a tendency to get worse, you can’t deal with the divorce, we recommend seeking professional help.