Feeling alone when in a relationship: causes and what to do

Feel alone as a couple

Wanting to find a partner is a goal that many people share . The reason is simple, to put an end to a long period of loneliness and to start moving through life with a partner. As is commonly said, joys are doubled and sorrows are divided when we share them.

However, things do not always turn out as we have projected them in our minds , so being in a relationship is not always synonymous with feeling accompanied , but, on many occasions, it ends up being our greatest cause of the feeling of loneliness .

Before going into the emotional and psychological strategies to heal ourselves from the ravages of feeling alone when in a relationship , let’s see what could be the causes that are leading us to feel that loneliness does not want to go away even if we are accompanied.

Why do I feel lonely if I’m in a relationship?

Reality as you conceive it does not exist. What does this mean?

That there is not something that we can call “the truth” or “the reality”, properly. What we feel to be real is nothing more than our interpretation of the data we receive from the world.

This philosophical concept, so strange to the naked eye, helps us understand why people sometimes seem to speak different languages.

While you feel lonely even when you’re in a relationship and you live under the complete conviction that your partner doesn’t care about you, that person who has become your traveling companion can go to bed every day in peace, because they are totally sure that you love them. is providing all the love , companionship and attention you require.

That is why, if there is something you should never do, when you feel alone when you are in a relationship, it is to accuse the other of being negligent with you.

Most common reasons for loneliness in a relationship

Among the most common reasons why you may be experiencing this devastating feeling of loneliness, are the following:

• Different models and emotional experiences: when two people unite their paths to transform it into a single route to travel in the company of the other, they bring with them the baggage of their experiences. Therefore, forming a couple means the union of two worlds . So, if your partner was educated in his family under the model and the concept that the more independent love is stronger, it will be logical that he feels that, if he is aware of you all day, it could even be overwhelming and disrespectful to him. you.

• See the world differently: regardless of the education that our parents give us, we develop our own view of the world. And it is precisely for this reason that sometimes we do not understand each other with those we love . If you believe that love is shown only by presence, while your partner understands that true love is knowing that you can count on his support whenever you need it, it does not mean that he does not love you or that he wants to distance himself if he is not there. permanently aware of you, but loves you the way he knows how to do it.

• Very high affective needs : during childhood many concepts and feelings are recorded, among which insecurity may be . Even if you think that you have overcome certain heartbreaks experienced in your most tender years, these may have remained hidden in the depths of your unconscious, lurking to be able to surface. Being in a relationship brings out many stored emotions, so perhaps your need for love is too great to be able to supply what you were not loved in childhood.

Other factors that can cause feelings of loneliness in the relationship are:

• Incompatibility
• physical separation
• Emotional problems
• psychological or physical abuse
• Communication problems

Of course there is also the possibility that your partner is deteriorating , it may be that your partner has decided to take a certain distance. In such a case, it will be useless to take an accusatory position or put ourselves in the role of victims. As much as it hurts, the fact that they stop loving us is part of life and we have to face it with maturity, sincerity and resilience .

Over time, everything heals, but it will take longer to do so if we unnecessarily prolong what is already extinct or if we take the wrong path of accusing and blaming the other person.

It is normal that you do not know what to do if you feel lonely being in a couple. That is why we will tell you what to do to fix this situation or get out of it with integrity and with the hope that the best is yet to come.

What to do when you are with someone and you feel alone?

Strategies to eliminate the feeling of loneliness if we are in a relationship

Feeling alone when in a relationship is an adult problem, so it must be resolved as such. Accusations and demands must be left out of this situation.

To improve our relationship it is best to:

• dialogue
• Express what we feel
• Say what we expect from our relationship

Identify the cause of your feelings and use emotional intelligence to manage your feelings in your favor. Open the dialogue to express to your partner what you want and listen to their version and their feelings. You may have to negotiate, since if your partner cannot meet your emotional needs, you may need to accept that he will not be able to please you in this.

Having a conversation means that we also have to listen to our partner and understand their feelings. The idea is that both feel comfortable in the relationship; not that one of the partners must embark on a mad race against time for the other to be happy.

In such a case, we recommend that you focus on yourself , what you like and what you want to achieve. When you learn that the best company you will ever have will be your own person, you will begin to relate better to those around you.

However, if you have a feeling of loneliness, the relationship is not satisfactory , or if you have feelings of emptiness, it is recommended that you consult a psychologist. You do not need to continue with this emotional load.