How to manage the feeling of guilt?

Effects of guilt, what it is for and why we feel guilty.

Our thoughts never stop, they are always in motion, analyzing situations, solving problems or restructuring themselves.

From this constant activity, if we do not manage it correctly, some dysfunctional feelings can arise that can make us suffer, such as guilt.

This can appear when, for example, we think about a past event that we believe we could have done better or, if we had acted differently, everything would be different today. If we think in this way , the feeling of guilt arises , which leads us to [feel directly responsible for a damage that we believe is irreparable and that, moreover, we could have avoided.

When the feeling of guilt gains ground in our emotional reality, our present is damaged by a past error that anchors us preventing us from moving forward and our quality of life suffers, since this feeling makes us suffer or feel uncomfortable.

Are we able to deal with guilt? o How can we manage the feeling of guilt?

Find the answer below.

What is the feeling of guilt for?

What is the functionality of blame? Feelings are generated in us to fulfill some function. Sometimes it is to make us aware of something, others to reflect, some make us happy and others simply make us suffer, such as guilt.

Once it is triggered in our emotions, guilt makes us feel worse and worse .

The fault comes from a processing error, since a healthy thought, in any situation, would analyze it with the aim of learning and, in any case, correcting what has not been done correctly. However, if we process in an erroneous way, demanding and judging ourselves, we are not analyzing correctly, but we trigger the feeling of guilt.

By judging ourselves and feeling responsible for a damage that we think we will never be able to repair, we block our ability to reflect in a healthy way about our behavior. So there is not a healthy learning process that develops us as people, but rather the feeling of guilt, which is a feeling that makes us suffer, so we must work on it to neutralize it.

Why do we feel guilt?

Much of the responsibility for our guilt lies in our family culture, our personality traits, and our upbringing.

One of the origins of guilt is the education we receive. As we grow older, when we are taught the difference between right and wrong and are expected, even required, to act correctly. If this is done poorly by our educators, these demands can become an internalized obligation.

For example, when we do something wrong, we are showered with recriminations such as: “because of you…” and “you should have…”. We make these recriminations ours, we automate them and as a consequence, we constantly feel the feeling of guilt.

Guilt is also generated when others hold us responsible for their mistakes, fears and failures and we accept responsibility for the choices and mistakes of others.

Another path to guilt is when we really do things wrong, and we demand that we have done it differently.

Guilt also arises when we make mistakes as a result of ignorance, haste, acting before thinking and underestimating the consequences of our actions.

Fortunately, there are several tools to manage the feeling of guilt .

How to end the feeling of guilt?

• Analyze your degree of guilt: to be responsible for something (never guilty), we must have acted directly on that fact. If our intervention is indirect, there is no responsibility on our part.

Let’s take the example of a couple that separates and one of them enters a depression , which ends up being absent from work until finally losing their job. A normal reaction in such a case is for this person to blame her former partner for being fired. However, he had nothing to do with her firing, since he was only in her life until the moment she decided to separate. If the person had been more resilient or if, having depressive problems, he had resorted to professional psychological help, the consequences of his depression probably would not have been so serious. The other partner does not have to feel responsible for the actions, decisions or negligence of their former partner.

• Correct the mistake: surely there is something you can do to compensate for the damage for which you have been responsible. Talk to the affected person and offer your help to correct or mitigate the damage you have caused.
• Apologize: It is true that when the only thing left to do is apologize, it means that everything else is lost. However, for the damaged person, an indifferent attitude on the part of the person who harmed him is not the same as someone who, with humility, offers his most sincere apologies. Once you see how your apology is accepted, the direct consequence is to feel better.
• Identify the function of guilt: what will benefit you from this feeling is the lesson you are going to learn. Instead of tormenting yourself with a feeling that leads nowhere, identify what guilt has to teach you.

Should you be more discreet next time? Do you need to weigh the power of words before you say them? You may benefit from being more direct when speaking to avoid misunderstandings.

Why should I manage the feeling of guilt?

Once the guilt disappears from your life, you stop feeling conditioned by many situations that can make you suffer or anchor you in the past and you can fully live the present, so that you can continue moving towards the future and enjoy every moment of now.

If you manage to make the feeling of guilt disappear, you will have greater maturity and a much more realistic approach when it comes to acting and interpreting the consequences of your actions and, of course, you will stop suffering from irrelevant things and your quality of life and quality of your relationships.