Differences between self-esteem and narcissism
Narcissism or high self-esteem?
Narcissism and self-esteem are different concepts, but very easy to confuse.
But are they so different from each other? Aren’t they two sides of the same coin?
The answer is yes, they are very different and they are not the face of the same coin, but very different psychological concepts.
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Throughout this article, we will explain how they differ and you will see that the line that divides them is clearer than it seemed at first. To begin with, we can point out that self-esteem is healthy for us and beneficial to others, and narcissism is harmful to us and toxic to others.
Having high self-esteem is healthy, while being narcissistic is toxic and pathological.
Let’s see the differences between self-esteem and narcissism:
Self esteem
Self-esteem is a concept that is formed in us due to the sum of several concepts. The first is a healthy self -image , this means that the image we have of ourselves has to be realistic and, above all, that we like our image. The second is that the idea we have of our abilities coincides with what we are really capable of doing. And the third, and possibly the most important, is that we stop making value judgments and demands on ourselves.
As I have pointed out in the first concept that forms self-esteem, having a realistic image of ourselves allows us to know what our strengths and weaknesses are, which will allow us to set [realistic goals, achieve them and, in this way, feel good about ourselves. Well, just doing things and trying to achieve our goals already increases our self-esteem.
Also, when you have a realistic self-image, you know yourself better and you realize the real limits you have , with which you can improve them when you want to, which in turn will have an impact on increasing self-esteem.
When you have high self-esteem, self-confidence increases and personal security increases , which facilitates relationships with others, improves social performance, improves emotional expression and, very importantly, enhances assertiveness.
A person with high self-esteem does not judge what he does, he simply does it, he likes what he has done and enjoys doing it and, above all, he does not judge or evaluate others. This is a very important point and I repeat that you should not evaluate yourself or judge others.
A person who is continually evaluating himself, who questions everything he does and who negatively judges his performance or achievements will have low self-esteem. And if he is constantly evaluating or criticizing others, his self-esteem decreases and he can become toxic to his environment.
A healthy and adapted self-esteem is so necessary that when it is not present, one can fall into depression or be so afraid of failing that it paralyzes or diminishes performance in daily life.
With what has been explained above, we can say that self-esteem is the foundation, the base, of a healthy psychological structure. It allows us to relate adaptively with our environment and with others, which makes us feel good about ourselves. Having a high and healthy self-esteem makes others feel good when relating to us, which in turn creates a healthy environment in our social environment.
Something very different from self-esteem is “ narcissism ”. How does this concept differ in a person?
narcissistic personality
The narcissistic person is one who admires himself and denies the value and virtues of others . This personality trait can become pathological and can lead us to be absolutely convinced that we are better than others, so it is not worth even stopping to listen to what other people have to say.
They do not admit having any fault. Narcissistic people believe they are more handsome, wiser, taller, more skilled, more… while, in general, they despise the knowledge, opinion and abilities of the other people around them. The conversation always returns to the narcissist’s own object of interest or focuses on criticizing or devaluing the achievements of others.
A person with high self-esteem can be humble, while a narcissist does not have this ability. This is a big difference with high self-esteem, since many people who love and like each other do not even consider themselves more important than others.
And this does not imply low self-esteem, since someone with good self-esteem can tell you with the greatest naturalness, “I’m ugly, but I have spark” or “I’m a good cook, but not as good as my neighbor who cooks wonderfully”
However, the narcissist believes he owns all possible virtues and despises other people around him.
consequences of narcissism
The narcissistic trait can be very toxic for others and also for the person who has it, since it can generate:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Dissatisfaction
- Frustration
- physical health disorders
- Excessive alcohol consumption
- Drug addiction
- social tension
- Problems in interpersonal relationships
- and problems in labor relations
On the surface, a narcissistic person is self-sufficient, confident, and happy. However, many of the attitudes that we see in these people are nothing more than a defense mechanism with which they try to hide a tremendous insecurity in themselves.
Signs that indicate that we are dealing with a narcissistic person
There are signs that indicate that we are dealing with a narcissistic person, for example,
- They become irritable when they are not given special treatment.
- They are easily offended.
- Unrealistic goals are set.
- They do not adapt to changes.
- They become irritable when they don’t get the admiration they expected.
- They constantly judge and belittle others.
- Magnify your achievements.
- They are manipulators.
- are intrusive
- They look down on others for their achievements.
- The conversation ends focused on their own achievements or circumstances.
- What others say does not interest them.
- Lack of generosity, only your goals are important.
How is narcissism treated?
Treatment of a narcissistic disorder has a guarded prognosis.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy or specific training in managing psychological profiles is usually used , trying to make the person aware of the existence of the trait, especially in himself and of the methods that he can use to identify and mitigate toxic behaviors, In this way, in some cases it is possible to reduce narcissistic traits.
As the treatment progresses, the person attenuates the idea that he is the best at everything, as well as abandoning his desire for perfectionism and stops devaluing others.
People with narcissistic personality disorder usually don’t feel like they have a problem; therefore, they do not usually seek treatment, and if they do, they become defensive and feel that the psychologist is wasting their time.
My professional experience has shown me that people with a narcissistic disorder are not willing to go to treatment, if they go, it is usually to take someone close to them to treatment with the aim that, with the help of therapy, they do what they want or if they seek treatment for themselves is usually for symptoms of depression, excessive alcohol or drug use or other mental health problem , but never to treat the narcissistic trait.
However, those who do tend to come to therapy voluntarily are the people close to someone with a narcissistic disorder , because they suffer the consequences of the disorder. They start a therapy to learn how to manage the person who has the narcissistic trait, to understand the trait well and to learn how to put limits on the toxic or dysfunctional situation in a way that affects them as little as possible. These people may suffer from anxiety, tension, discomfort, insecurity or low self-esteem.