How do I prove my emotional hurt to people when living with a narcissist. The problem of relationship with narcissist people who are only capable of “loving” themselves.

WHO ARE NARCISSIST PEOPLE?

One of the main characteristics of the so-called narcissistic personalities is their lack of empathy, believing themselves to be the most important person in the world and envying everything that the other has and they may feel that they do not have it, so through manipulation they will try to get it or destroy it for the other.

They have strong thoughts of greatness, they are self-centered, arrogant, arrogant. Sometimes it becomes difficult to detect these types of people. Most narcissistic people play a seduction-aggression game that generates a lot of confusion in other people . They tend to seduce-flatter with something that they know is of interest to you, but the ultimate goal lies in their own ego, in being able to satisfy their own narcissistic need to feel above others and if you give up this game of seduction and don’t If you give them what they need, they will start to use aggression, mostly psychological, although in more serious people it can become physical.

“When someone abuses me, I can defend myself, but against flattery I am defenseless” (S. Freud)

These types of people, in general, do not maintain equal relationships with the people around them, but instead try to inflate their ego by putting those around them below. They do not usually show their vulnerability and in many cases not even their needs, if they do it will be in the form of manipulation.

Narcissistic personalities are usually controlling, demanding people who do not recognize their mistakes , they are always right and therefore it will always be the others who have to bear the consequences. They are unable to give themselves to relationships honestly and authentically.

They appear strong and independent, but on many occasions what is really behind them is a great shadow full of affective needs-lacks and demands for themselves and others.

There are other exceptions in which people considered narcissistic have been deified in their development.

"A man who has been the undisputed favorite of his parents maintains throughout his life the feeling of a conqueror" (S. Freud)

What is nuclear in them is their great need for admiration and to seek to be surrounded by unconditional flatterers who reinforce their idea of ​​superiority.

They can really be quite damaged people who are not aware of the damage they do to others and the damage they are doing to themselves, usually they do not think they have any problem in this regard.

The consequences of relationships with narcissistic people

Interacting with people with narcissistic traits can have important psychological consequences such as insecurity, low self-esteem, confusion, self-blame, shame…

All the consequences suffered in these relationships (partner, friendship, mother, father, co-workers…) are usually a projection of the shadow of the narcissistic person on the other, everything that they hide is seen in the other or provoked in the other , due to their inability to tolerate or bear it in themselves. They are usually not able to recognize that these emotions or attitudes may be their own.

So because of their difficulty in tolerating their own vulnerability , they will use the other’s by crushing it, attacking it or “taking care of it” in order to maintain their “status” or position of strength and superiority.

By needing to be the center, on many occasions, narcissists will get other people to move away from their friends, family, groups, work…

One of the most notorious sensations before these people is confusion, they will try to manipulate the facts until you are confused and you become the wrong or guilty person, even doubting that you have the right to demand respect and affection from them. And ultimately being able to even justify them in their actions.

The emotions of guilt, shame and humiliation in the relationship are the alarm system that something is happening to us and we have to pay attention, since these emotions should not be the basis of a healthy relationship.

More serious consequences are depression, anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, sleep disorders, eating disorders, helplessness… and, in addition, feeling guilty about it without being aware that all these symptoms may be related to the type of links with the that we have grown up with (narcissistic parents) or partner, friends, work… or with whom we are relating (narcissistic profiles).

If this narcissistic relationship is not detected in time, it can produce a strange codependency due to the game of seduction-aggression.

How can we get out of a relationship with a narcissist?

From our therapeutic work, we emphasize that it is very important to become aware of our own emotions, take responsibility for them and for ourselves in order to put a brake on this type of relationship. Also become aware of where we position ourselves in our relationships, what value we are giving ourselves, if we are making ourselves respected and attending to our needs, only from this point can we make the other understand what our limits are and what attitudes we do not we are willing to tolerate.

It is not easy to detect and change this type of relationship, from therapy we always start from the idea that each one of us has grown up in an environment where we have been able to access everything that could be available for our development and this does not leave out the difficulties and limitations that have also made us the adult we are today.

All personality profiles, including people considered narcissistic, have their origin and development in the relationship with our links, especially main ones, and our environment. For this reason, we consider it important to know ourselves, to know our own life story so that from there we can relate with greater clarity, honesty, authenticity, protection and security in our relationships.

“It is in the game and only in the game that the child or the adult as individuals are able to be creative and to use the totality of their personality, and only by being creative does the individual discover himself.” (D.Winnicott)