Can't Find Love? Find Out
Exactly How And Why Love Keeps Dodging You
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To many men and women today are looking for love but find that no matter what they do and no matter who
they meet, it just isn't happening to them.
While you many be on the
constant search for the right mate or even trying to learn the "how to do
this" and "how to do that" you might be surprised to find out
that it's not just "lack of places to meet men/women" or "lack
of information" or "lack of skill" that is the problem, the root
of your love problems may be in the patterns you learned during early formative
years.
If you can identify and
understand how this hidden patterns sabotage your efforts then you can change
how you react to certain experiences and situations. This is not about excuses
but rather the realities necessary to understand the developing self and
current struggles.
1. Growing up, you were
never made to feel like you were loved or wanted or special
As an adult you still don't
feel good about yourself or believe that you are lovable or worth of other
people's time and effort. You have difficulty expressing what you want or how
you truly feel and don't know how to accept love when it's given. And even if
what you so much want is to be nurtured, cared for, and loved you send signals
to others that you are not important enough to be loved or respected. Most
times people treat you like you don't exist and don't matter.
2. You were neglected or
abandoned in some way through divorce or adoption or just left alone most of
the time because the parents were kept busy working or paid more attention to
other siblings
As an adult you are always
anxious, worried, and fearful that you will be abandoned or ignored. Most of
the time you either open up too soon or you open up to people who don't intend
to stay. You are constantly clinging to people who are unstable or emotionally
unavailable or who want to get away.
You may even be an
excellent flirt and easily draw people to you by coming off as if your life is
absolutely perfect but soon the fascination wears off, and tension grows
because you want to be constantly reassured that you are safe and wanted. This
drives people away pretty fast.
3. You grew up with parents
who were so needy and depended so much on you but inside you felt invisible and
pushed into the background
As an adult you feel a
compelling need to control how people feel and respond by doing more than your
share all of the time, but become hurt when people don't recognize your
efforts. You also become confused when the other person complains about feeling
controlled and smothered because as far as you are concerned all you are doing
is wonderful things that should make him or her feel very warm and fuzzy
inside. The other person feels like the "worshipful" position is a
trap because there are so many expectations to live up to. He or she distances
and eventually wants out.
4. You were raised by
parents who were cold and emotionally distant
As an adult you feel very
lonely, isolated and dissociated most of the time. Trust is a basic issue and
intimacy feels alien and scary. You find that you always keep people too far
away, and never allow yourself to get too close or feel vulnerable. You want so
much to be able to drop your guard and allow intimacy into your life but are
afraid to seek intimacy. You may from time to time permit other people to be
attracted to you but without letting them get too close. And even when you find
yourself in intimate situations you feel uncomfortable, awkward and threatened,
so you push others away. Soon people get tired of the emotional and sometimes
physical distance and leave.
5. You were raised by
overly lenient, overprotective and permissive parents who spoiled you
As an adult you have are
more interested in yourself than in others. And because you are accustomed to
having things done for you, you have unrealistic expectations, are demanding,
inconsiderate and can become manipulative. You want what you want and want it
now, and when you don't get your way you become defiant, curse, backtalk,
scream insults and go into uncontrolled outbursts. People end up running away
because they feel that they did not signed up to baby-sit a spoiled child.
6. You grew up feeling controlled,
pushed too hard to succeed and never allowed to make your own decisions
As an adult you are too
serious, task oriented, short on conversation and unresponsive. Because you
never learned to have fun and play for play's sake, you do not know how to
lighten up, let go and accept flexibility in your life. You may also be a
perfectionist who feels burned out and stressed out most of the time. The
people you date or have a relationship feel that you are rigid or demanding and
not much fun to be around. They leave you for someone -- not up to your level -
but who is more interesting and more fun to be around.
So if you seriously want to
attract love but despite your best conscious intentions nothing seems to work,
you might want to seriously step back and look at the powerful influence of the
imprints left in you by how you were raised. And even if you grew up in a
loving family you might have skipped the childhood task of learning how to feel
the growth of self-love in your heart, and present your wise and loving self to
others.
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